Lessons From Study Away

These three stories were shared by a guy in my building, Danny, my flatmate, Adam, and a friend from class, Will. I tried my best to transcribe them as true to how they told me as possible without including all of their frantic hand gestures.

“My earliest memory of Angela is also one of my favorites. We had gone to Hustle—and for those who don’t know this is a particularly vile club in Lancaster that’s just sticky and makes you feel like you need a shower when you walk in—and it was early on so none of us realized that Angela didn’t actually like clubs. So we all go to dance and all of a sudden we look around and realize she isn’t with us anymore—I just want to point out we didn’t know her that well and we were all already fairly drunk at this point so it wasn’t like we were being dicks, we just didn’t notice. So we all panic a little because we’ve lost the American girl on her first week, that’s not good, and I go off to look for her. I find her, no joke, curled up on a couch outside the door to the toilets just chatting with these half crying/half giggling drunken girls. These girls were totally wasted and Angela is just sitting there listening to them rant and nodding and occasionally giving them hugs, so me and Dan (another member of our flat) go and join them and when we walked over Angela’s face completely lit up. We all didn’t really know each other yet but she’s just so welcoming and enthusiastic that we spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch in the middle of this crowded club while she tells us how great and special we are and honestly I just remember thinking that she may have been the nicest person I’ve ever met. And I think that’s actually the main thing I learned about Angela while she was here, she just loves everyone so much and is so happy when we’re happy, I think our block was made genuinely better while she was here and we’re going to lose a lot when she leaves. Also, that was the night I realized I actually love Hustle.” Danny

“Angela can be kind of quiet. She’s good with being the first one to say hello and all that but after the expected small talk is done she just kind of asks questions and doesn’t really say much. [I cut in that I just didn’t want to risk offending anyone] So one night we go over to our friend’s apartment and we’re all just sitting around and I don’t remember how but someone brought up Forrest Gump and out of the blue Angela cuts in and starts talking about how much she doesn’t like the movie. She’s crazy, it’s an amazing movie, but anyway her and I got into this huge half joking/half not fight about it and it seems weird that this would be my favorite story but Angela is always so nice to everyone it made me feel special that she was comfortable enough around me to be a little mean. It was the moment that I knew for sure that we’d be friends.” Adam

“You know you’re friends with Angela when she develops this obsessive need to make sure you’re eating okay. The first thing she asks every time I come over is whether I’ve had dinner, do I want her to make me dinner, or she’ll be baking something (I feel like she’s always baking) and make me take some of whatever it is. I’m not complaining it’s nice to feel taken care of; she just always needs to make sure everyone’s taken care of all the time. So anyway Angela and I first met at a bar on campus, she was with another guy that I have classes with so I sat down to talk to them. She was a little drunk at this point which may be why by the end of the conversation she was already comfortable telling me how great she thought I was. By the time we’re ready to leave it’s like 3am and she’s insisting I come over and eat some cheesecake she made. As much as I make fun of her I’m going to miss all the cooking all the time, she made everyone feel taken care of.” Will

 The first thing I notice about all of these stories was I had been drinking for each of them. Maybe not the best thing to write in an academic blog but I think it says a lot about the drinking culture here in England. I’m not a big drinker in the United States, occasional nights in with friends are fun but I don’t particularly enjoy getting too drunk or loud parties. In England if you don’t drink than that’s a large portion of your social life gone. My flatmates drank basically everyday whether it was just a pint at dinner or heavier drinking that comes before a night out. I think it’s interesting that so many close bonds are formed over nights out and sitting around at bars. In addition, these stories all make it seem like kindness is a key factor in breaking down barriers. Each of these people said they felt comfortable with me and stayed friends with me because they felt that I was nice and as a result I seemed more welcoming.