Reading Between the Lines

One of the stumbling blocks that Barna mentions in the article is “Nonverbal Misinterpretations” when communicating with people from different cultures, most notably the American habit of smiling all the time at every one. It took several weeks, but eventually I learned not to smile at every passerby, as that was regarded as weird or uncommon. In the United States, where even passing acquaintances are given the treatment of a hello or a conversation when passing each other in public, it is uncommon to do so in my experience here. There is one instance where this is most apparent for me, involving a person I had classes with.  

In the classroom setting we would chat or occasionally interact in group work, so much that I knew his name, he knew mine, and we would be considered casual acquaintances. To this end, I didn’t realize the etiquette or norms for interacting with people of this status was different in the UK than it was in America, and I committed a faux pas in one of my encounters with him in public. I was out with friends in town, chatting when I saw him. He waved at me and I waved back, and rather than ending the encounter there, as custom would dictate, I beckoned him to our table. We chatted for a while and he mentioned he was with a different person. Without realizing it, I had made the mistake of assuming it was proper to chat with different friends or people you knew in public, without having specifically made the arrangements to see that person.

Socially acceptable socialization creates problems in certain settings

In the US, where chance encounters such as these are seen as an opportunity to become closer to the person you meet, or a chance to introduce that person to other people, in England this is not greeted with the same enthusiasm. It is frowned upon to spend time with people outside your direct party, and it is also rude to intrude on a different person’s day, even if that person is a friend or acquaintance. Waving is seen as acceptable, or a casual hello, but an extended conversation is less than favorable, and the nature of forcing that person to engage to not be seen as rude is off putting and disorienting to the individual, while the offending party (me) is unaware of their offensive behavior. This situation really stands out to me as an example of what Barna is referring to. There was an active disconnect in cultural understanding that lead to one or more parties being hurt or offended unintentionally, but still damaging. This particular situation was resolved without much pain or issue, however other similar faux pas in other situations may not be as readily forgiven. Smiling at the wrong time, especially at strangers, is considered odd, for example. It could mean that unintentionally, offense was given to a passing person who may not understand the meaning behind the action, just as I don’t understand why it was a problem.