Reading Between the Lines

Since I've gotten to England there have been a fair amount of miscommunications, both ones that I'm responsible for and ones born from people here stereotyping Americans. Coming into the UK I wasn't actually anticipating a ton of cultural differences, and most of the ones I was expecting were related to things along the lines of politeness. However since I've been here there have been a lot of moments where little cultural differences have started to accumulate. I'm queer. I'm bisexual but I say 'queer' as it's more inclusive and more feels more true to how I feel. Speaking to members of the LGBTQ+ community in America I've never had an issue telling people I'm queer, it's a fairly common term and no one is particularly surprised by it. So imagine my surprise when I told a girl here I was 'queer' and she completely panicked telling me that that was a slur and extremely offensive to members of the LGBTQ community. Although I had prepared myself to deal with the larger UK community before I came I had completely neglected to look into communities that I belonged to. As a result of my ignorance I risked greatly offending people when I was only aiming to say something that would have been completely acceptable in the United States. I did my research and changed my terminology to suit where I am, but the initial shock of realizing I couldn’t use the terms I was familiar with was an adjustment. 

There’s still some confusion regarding general slang on both ends as well. My flatmates will throw phrases like posh (I thought I knew what that meant—I didn’t) and chav into conversations and there’s always a moment where I have to adjust to what’s actually being said. Apparently there is a lot of tension between the North and the South here. Most of it is friendly, none of my Northern flatmates actually have an issue with the Southern ones minus friendly banter, but when not referring to someone they know words like posh and chav are far from flattering. Contributing to the confusion on my end is the fact that I have a habit of referring to my friends by pet names (as long as I have their permission to do so it isn’t uncommon for me to refer to someone as honey, sweetie, babe, whatever), which isn’t done as much here. While it’s common for people to use pet names at the checkout line, or in situations where they don’t really know you, it isn’t as common between friends. One flatmate recently told me that the first week I was here and I was referring to him as sweetie he was a little off put by the random names. He assured me that know that he’s used to it it’s fine but I hate that I was making him uncomfortable without even knowing it. I’m used to people telling me if they don’t want me calling them something (especially because I usually ask first) but because he didn’t want to offend me he didn’t say anything. I’ve gotten used to triple checking that my behavior is okay at this point.

Personally I’ve also felt like it’s hard to really get to know people here like you can in America. I’ve gotten to know my flatmates and their friends because I’m living with them and it’s common to talk to the people you’re living with. In addition I drink with them and due to the huge drinking culture here that is a sure-fire way to make friends. However, I haven’t really met people outside of the people in our building. It simply isn’t as common for people to hang out across distances, at least not in their first year. I don’t think the more reserved nature of the country is something I’ll be able to fully adjust to before I leave.